John Gottman said, "In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense
of meaning. They don't just 'get along' - they also support each other's hopes and
aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their loves together.  That is what I mean
when I talk about honoring and respecting each other."
(The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. pg. 23)

In my marriage that deep sense of meaning is the future we hope to have together in
 heaven.  We want to be together with our children, forever.  This gives us a sense of
loyalty and purpose.  My husband supports me in my college work, and I support him
in his hobby.  We don't keep score of who has more "Me" time (neither of us gets very
much!).

I would not describe my husband as my lover or my boyfriend.  I describe him as my
best friend.  We have been married for 18 1/2 years. We have had a lot of bad times,
and a lot of good times. I would say what has helped us the most, is that we talk nicely
to each other when we are upset.  We don't scream, use harsh language, or demean

each other.  When I do get too upset, I just walk away until I can be sure I won't be mean.
I really appreciate that we treat each other like best friends.

"When a couple have a strong friendship, they naturally become experts at sending each
other repair attempts and at correctly reading those sent their way.  But when couples are
in negative override, even a repair statement ... will have a low success rate.  The success
or failure of a couple's repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether their marriage
flourishes or flounders." (Gottman. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.)

This is something we do too.  We use humor regularly to diffuse a tense situation.  It really
helps when we don't take our stress out on each other.  We are movie nerds, so we continually
quote funny phrases from our favorite movies to help ease tension. (Our favorite movies to
quote - Napolean Dynamite and Nacho Libre!) 

Marriage is hard work, but it's the most fulfilling relationship that I have.  I have to remember that

when I get upset.