Marital Fidelity

   Marital fidelity is much more than just sexual monogamy with your spouse.  Marital fidelity implies that your thoughts, emotions and actions are focused on your spouse. It means you give all your devotion to your spouse both physically and emotionally.  Emotional infidelity can lead to physical infidelity very easily.  A spouse who continues a friendship with a person of the opposite sex is inappropriate.  Women who keep in touch with their old boyfriends on Facebook is inappropriate.  It may be innocent and nothing ever happens, but it suggests emotional infidelity.

   “Physical infidelity is only one of the many temptations Satan uses to break up families and marriages. Emotional infidelity, which occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind.  

   Emotional infidelity doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: ‘Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else’ (D&C 42:22). The spouse should become preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing should ever take precedence over the spouse.” (Spencer W. Kimball, Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think)

   My brother and his wife divorced over just such an issue.  My brother, Mark and his ex-wife lived very separate lives while they were married.  They each had their own hobbies, interests, and friends.  My brother sang in the Utah Opera, which occupied most of his time.  His wife never asked about it or came to see him.  My sister in law visited friends and family, often leaving for extended visits.  Mark never asked her about it or asked to go with her.  They had no emotional fidelity.

   I’m not saying pursuing hobbies or talents is bad.  There needs to be balance though.  They could have gone together to visit her family.  His ex-wife could have gone to practices and performances with Mark.  They could have let some of those extra things go, in favor of spending time together. They grew so far apart, that they divorced after only three years of marriage.

Wives have great power to keep their husbands near them physically and emotionally.

   
   Husbands are stereotyped as only wanting one thing out of a relationship. It’s usually not true.  Men desire romance and other intimate contact much the same as women.  Women most often desire intimacy just as often as men, but are more bogged down by fatigue, stress and worry.  Women have a harder time clearing their busy minds enough to even think about being intimate.   
   
   Intimacy is so important in a marriage – not just for fulfilling sexual needs – but for keeping that emotional bond strong between spouses. Unselfish sex bonds you, and helps you to have a strengthened emotional connection.

  “I believe few wives realize the power they have to help keep their husbands near them physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. Few wives sense the degree of frustration and alienation husbands feel when a wife ignores his needs and interests. I believe a wise and loving Heavenly Father has given a wife the ability to achieve oneness with her husband.  The key is unselfishness.”  (Brent A. Barlow. They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. Ensign 1986)

   “Achieving oneness” with our spouse should be our goal.  Sexual intimacy is a God-given way to achieve that with your spouse.  The challenge is for women to relax and let the intimacy happen.